HIGGLEDY PIGGLEDY FARM…….is back!

A woman is found semi-conscious alongside a skip in the town centre car park in Listowel in the early hours of the morning with a man “crouching over her”. She is naked from the waist down, and her jeans and underwear have been removed. She has extensive bruises and scratching throughout her body.

CCTV footage shows a man carrying the woman to the skip area.

The woman is shunned in her home town.

And what does the man get?

He gets a unanimous guilty verdict.

He gets a character reference from the local parish priest.

He gets 50 people, mostly middle-aged and elderly men, queueing past the press box to shake his hand and hug him when he is brought up for sentencing.

He gets declarations of loyalty from his fiancee.

And he gets a seven-year sentence for the sexual assault.

What kind of a country am I living in where a convicted sexual offender is heaped with praise?

Here’s a picture of him. You make up your own mind.

I have now heard Susan Boyle singing How Great thou Art for the 65th time today. And written 1700 words. Which is probably the most I’ve ever written in one day. Makes you think, doesn’t it?

Having become so sick of being sick (mother with bronchitis and me with something similar but not quite as bad) we decided to take a little spin down the country to check the progress at what used to be Higgledy Piggledy Farm. There being not a soul around I took the opportunity to have a good stroll around the place. My word, haven’t they been busy little bees. New fireplaces, new kitchen cupboards, new skirting boards and all spiffily painted an interesting shade of white throughout. They’ve kept the old lounge suite which I left there and there’s even an old telly. (Might be the one I left in the attic). I saw a new pump in the used to be bakery. I tell you, I was well impressed.

And all this unlocked and open to whoever passes by. Not even gates on the driveway any more. They might as well have a sign up saying Vandals Welcome!  Amazing.

I am gagging to know who’s moving in and whether I shall be dodging Gillian and Hilary around the gondolas in Supervalu soon!!

We are to feel sorry for the poor Public Servants who are overstaffed, inefficient, earn 22% more than the Private Sector, get unlimited sick leave and have continued to get pay increases while everyone else  has been either getting wage cuts or losing their jobs altogether. Even with the proposed wage cuts they will still be considerably better off than the 12% of the population lining up in dole queues every week. Shame. Poor things.

And whilst we are top of every European list for alcoholism and drink related illnesses the Government’s response is to cut social welfare payments and make booze cheaper. We are meant to drink our way back to economic recovery. Genius.

I say it again, Ricardo, the bloody cat could make a better job of running this country.

You have to love Lady Gaga. I saw her on X factor the other night. Amazing. Different. A whirlwind of fresh air amidst all the boring old recession shite we have to listen to.

You can apparently purchase inflatable breast pads which slip inside your brassiere. It comes with a button operated pump. When you see someone you fancy you hit the button and up they go. Might be good for getting rid of the double chin, too, if they push up high enough. And you can let em down again whenever you get bored with the object of your desires. A fiver in Debenhams. Buy 10.

It continues to rain. The wind continues to blow. Temperatures continue to fall. It’s comforting to know that in these uncertain times you can count on one thing to stay the same. The Irish weather will never disappoint you.

Gym this morning was a torturous affair, all muscles straining. However I have shed over a pound since I started last week, which means I can zip up my jeans without lying on the bed.

I am beginning to enjoy my state of limbo. That place between lives once you find that the old one doesn’t work any more and the new one hasn’t yet kicked in.

I went for a Thai massage this morning. First time to have this particular variety of massage although I’ve had plenty of other types. Oh… My… God.

I think she was doing handstands on my calves. The pain, people, the PAIN!

Thai massage takes place on a mattress on the floor so that the therapist can walk up and down your back.

Once she’s done that she gets stuck in with her elbows. And periodically she stops digging parts of her anatomy into you to stretch your limbs into positions normally only seen in the Kama Sutra.

Nevertheless, It was damn good value even though I am now unable to walk up stairs!

A hot bath and back to back episodes of The Bill are on my to do list for this afternoon. And I’ve made another appointment same time next week at which she assures me she will do the same thing to me again!

Way hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Another successful NaNo year!!

I note that major renovations are going on in Kilsteague. I must take a little spin when the weather improves and get some pics. We are all intrigued and waiting to see who’s moving in!

Survived my second day back at the gym. Tunisia is beckoning in the New Year and one must shed a large amount of flabby flesh in order to get into one’s swimsuit.

Ricardo has a new collar. Bright blue with diamante trim and a little blue bell. Very posh. He hates it. I don’t care. It took me half an hour to get it around his neck and both my hands are ripped to shreds. This was last night. Since then he has launched three separate attacks on my mother, disabled three dogs and torn down the lounge curtains. As we speak, he is emptying the waste paper basket. And no one in this house is going to try and stop him. He has gone mental or he’s on crack. Whatever. But he WILL wear that collar.

I am loving Twitter. You follow people. People follow you. Simple. Unlike Facebook where if you get a friend request from someone you know that you’ve been trying to avoid, you feel a little pang of guilt when you ignore the request. Gone off Facebook.

I am overhauling my entire life at the moment. Emptying the house at Kilsteague was the first step. Getting rid of external clutter. Now I’m inspecting the internal clutter. Attitudes, friends,acquaintances, belief systems, standards and principles. All will come under the knife and I intend to be ruthless. The bloodlust is upon me. I am culling like a  sealhunter.

Rejoined the gym today after a two year absence. Half an hour on the treadmill left me feeling upifted and virtuous and raring to go again tomorrow. Also gives me the opportunity to sneak off to Freddie’s afterwards without the family knowing! Speaking of which, I’ve been on quite a roll for the past 2 months, I must be €400 to the good by now which will go into the holiday fund.

And the pony I have started treating will pay for the new pair of Ariats I treated myself to yesterday!