HIGGLEDY PIGGLEDY FARM…….is back!

I was beginning to despair of ever getting rid of Gillian Reynolds. The combination of a mentally unstable ex partner and an unscrupulous solicitor is deadly. But finally , it’s OVER! Even after I moved out and handed over the keys we still got a letter from John Reidy full of wild allegations about damage I’d done to the property and threats to sue me and her sister was going to sue me and for all I know the entire Co Dublin was going to sue me. This delayed the payment of my settlement. But by now, after almost four years of litigation , I am well used to all this sabre rattling so I told her to do something anatomically impossible to herself and last Thursday I got the final cheque and I am rid of her and all belonging to her. It wouldn’t be true to say that I have no regrets. I made some bad choices. Getting involved with Gillian at all was a bad choice. Buying a house with her AFTER I’d broken up with her (don’t ask, I was obviously having a psychic episode!) was a VERY bad choice. And I do regret not laying criminal charges against her when she assaulted me in 2006.

However, I got to experience life down the country, made some very good friends and in the end Gillian landed up paying most of my legal bills as well as sticking herself with a mortgage of €208000 on a property which, due to the Irish property meltdown, is worth about €100000 now. And I also got the Aga cooker! How bad?

Loved these! They kinda reminded me of Gillian’s solicitor, a certain John A Reidy of Dublin. You have been warned!

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know
about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ.

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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with male.

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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the  time that you examined the body?

WITNESS : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

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And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,  did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have  been alive and practicing law.

I’m well into the second draft of my novel. Have had a couple of those ” God what a load of shite this is who could possibly want to read it how could I have written such drivel” and so on and so forth days but all in all it’s going well. Certainly a helluva lot better than when I had to manage Higgledy Piggledy Farm on my own, bake bread and repel boarders all at the same time! How did I stick it for as long as I did? I am a truly remarkable woman!

Any suggestions for a new name for my site?